Dear reader,
I am here to confess. I have a problem with a close friend who sometimes serves me well, but other times just gets in my way. Can I name her?
It's Miss Perfectionism.
I was just on a call with my coach (yes! coaches have coaches too!) and had an aha moment! Here’s the image I had at the beginning of the call:
“I feel like I am standing at the foot of a mountain. I can see where I want to go. But I don’t know which path to take. Every time I pick one, I start to get anxious thinking of all the what ifs... What if it’s the wrong one? What if I make a mistake? What if I fall? What if it’s going to cost me too much? What if I never make it to the top? What if there’s a hole and I didn't see it coming? ...What if? What if? What if?...”
As we navigated around this issue, I realized that what I’m doing is attempting to become a master of this metaphorical mountain without taking any concrete steps because I’m so afraid of not picking the "perfect path". You know, the one that is drawn in a straight and perfect line, so smooth and beautiful. The one that isn't flawed. The one that won't cause me an injury. The one that is safe and has no risks involved.
I have researched so much about this "mountain", what it looks like, what it smells like, what it eats for breakfast! But what has that done for me? How has it served me? What I have become is somebody that’s just circling this mountain with a ton of books in her hands but ZERO steps taken on the actual mountain itself. I’m just circling around, and around, and around!
What I’m now realizing is that, not only am I wasting my energy but I’m wasting time. It’s time that I could be using to make progress. It’s time that I can be putting towards reaching the top. Talking about it out loud with my coach today made me realize that I just need to do it! And you know what? If I do make a mistake, I now realize that I can trust myself to be the person that will get out of the mud. I can rely on the fact that I am a natural learner, researcher, and problem-solver and that because of who I am and the way I am, I will find a way to get out of that mistake, if I make one!
Another important realization was that as much as the “what if” exists about making a mistake, there’s a whole other side to the "what if". What if the path I choose is one of many possible right ones? Why would there only be one? Who put that rule in my head? ...I did. And now that I am aware of that, I can make the choice to undo it and say, "you know what, there might be be more than one right path, or maybe even no wrong ones." After all, what makes a path "right" or "wrong" are my own perceptions and expectations. The way I choose to experience the path I chose, and what I decide to take with me to the top is what will make it the "right" path. So... Boom! Take that, Miss Perfectionism! You can go be someone else's problem now!
Bottom line was to ask myself, "what am I doing right now?" And the answer was: Nothing! I’m just getting myself overwhelmed and ignoring all of the paths. So how is that getting me any further? It's not! It's just delaying the whole darn hike!
It got me thinking, well what if I frame this inaction as a path itself? So now, isn't my "inaction path" a much BIGGER mistake than choosing one that leads to action, even if it does end up being the “wrong one”?
So, here is my mantra that came out of today's coaching session:
"How do I know if I haven't tried it?"
Thank you so much for reading and getting all the way here!
Signing out, until next time!
Coach Alvina
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